Double - Children's Theatre (FMF) - Script Archive - Scene 5 "We'll Never Let Him Go" - 09/11/15

LF and JBC walk enter looking angry

JBC: Even with our diggers and machines we're too slow! That fox will get away if we don't catch-up to him soon!

LF: You need to be more patient my dear Bunce.

JBC: But I can't wait any longer! I want that filthy fox as dead as a-

LF: (Shouting in order to interupt his cursing) Bunce! Mind your language; there are children here.

JBC takes a seat, RA enters very riled up

RA: Dang and blast that dirty stinking fox! What are we going to do now? We'll never be able to catch-up with him!

LF: I see how it is, it's going to have to be me who comes up with the bright idea again, isn't it?

LF gestures to JBC to stand so he can sit

LF: Let me think...

LF ponders, sipping his drink too

JBC: Have you got an ide-

LF: Shhhhhhh

Pause

RA: Bea-

LF: I said, "Shhhhhh!"

Pause

JBC: Bean?

LF: What?!

Pause of fear from JBC

JBC: Do you know what we're gonna do?

LF: (Sigh) I'll tell you what we don't do: We don't let him go!

JBC: Yeah! We'll never let him go!

RA: NEVER!!

LF: (Shouting down the "fox crater") Did you hear that Mr Fox?! It's not over yet, Mr Fox! 

We're not going home till we've strung you up dead as a dingbat!

RA: Yeah! Wait what?

RA and JBC exchange looks of confusement and fear

LF: What do you mean "what"?

RA: We're not going home until we catch him?

JBC: At all?

LF: No...

RA: But what about my TV?

JBC: Yeah! X Factor's on tonight!

LF gives the pair a piercing look

LF: I said we're staying up here... shake on it

Very hesitant at first, RA/JBC eventually shake hands with LF

LF: Marvelous

JBC: So...what's the next move?

LF: We're sending you down the hole to fetch him. Down you go, you miserable midget!

JBC: Not me!

JBC tries to make a run for it which turns into a chase between LF and JBC. RA is left centre stage confused and panicked. Benny Hill? LF stops puffed out

LF: Don't just stand there and watch Boggis! Get him!

RA joins in the chase, JBC gets into the audience without RA noticing

LF: Boys and girls, do any of you know where that hopeless halfwit Bunce has gotten to?

Options: -If people shout to where he is, LF: Ah thank you children! Come up here now Bunce! I've got a better idea! -If no one answers, LF: No one knows? Ah there he is! Come up here now Bunce! I've got a better idea!

JBC returns to the stage puffed out and fearful

LF: There's only one thing to do: We starve him out. We camp here day and night watching over the hole. He'll come out in the end. He'll have to!

JBC: Yeah! Foxes have got to eat at some point!

RA: But what are we going to eat? Farmers need to eat too!

LF: Boggis hand me the walkie talkie

RA hands LF the walkie talkie

LF: (Into walkie talkie) Hello? Yes, can you send up 3 tents, 3 sleeping bags and supper for the three of us Mabel? Now

LF hands it back to RA

LF: And there we have it! We camp out here for a few nights with our guns ready and he'll be toast!

LF walks to a seat chuckling, RA/JBC start to laugh too, LF glances at them as if to say, "Only I get to laugh", JBC notices and stops, JBC nudges RA, RA stops laughing

Blackout